What About Me?

When you’re waiting for something, it seems as if everyone around you is getting it except you. When my husband and I were trying for our first baby, it seemed as though every time we turned around, another one of our friends was pregnant. I attended baby shower after baby shower. I even helped plan one for a close family member. That was very hard. I was trying my best to be happy for her, but there were many times I cried out to God asking Him why isn’t this MY shower someone ELSE is planning?! In my mind, it just didn’t seem fair. We wanted children so bad and knew we would be good parents, so why isn’t it happening? When will it ever be our turn?

Many times during our season of waiting, I would have “pity parties.” This usually consisted of me crying and asking God why again and again. Why is everyone else pregnant except me? Why isn’t my body working the way it is supposed to? Why is my husband stuck with someone who can’t give him what he desires? And on and on it would go. It happened every time we got a negative result on a pregnancy test. Each month, after one of these “pity parties”, I’d go into a depression for several days. And I didn’t realize at the time how much of an impact that was having on my husband. He wanted this just as much as I did and instead of leaning on each other and God, I was slowly imploding.

Finally, I got hold of a book in which the author describes how she was told by doctors that she would never be able to have children. When she met her future husband, he told her different and began to show her in scripture where it says that she CAN have children. As I began researching these scriptures on my own, my mindset began to change. I began to believe, whole-heartedly, that I WILL have children, no matter what the circumstance looked like. I also started to take the focus off myself. Whenever I was out, I would purposefully look for those that had what I wanted (pregnant or new baby). I did whatever God laid on my heart in that moment, whether it was money, a kind word, an offer to take care of the baby, etc. The monthly pity parties slowly stopped and I was feeling so much more at peace. Although still sad when another month went by with no baby, I didn’t stay there for long. Because I knew, without a doubt, that my time was coming.

Here is the book that I read. Although most of it pertains to pain-free delivery, the beginning was what really spoke to my heart in my time of need.

If you read or have already read either of these books, share how they encouraged you by commenting below.